Birds of a feather flock together.

Do you know who you are?

Do you feel at a loss to gain a more clear and objective perspective on the person that you are at this present juncture in your life; your positive and negative character and personality attributes, positive and negative habits and routines, what you value or could value, what you believe or could believe that would serve you better?

In order to become a better more contended, fulfilled, and happier version of ourselves we have to know where we are starting from. Many of us struggle to get an objective view of ourselves.

We are held down and held back: shackled by such things as faulty self definitions from past trauma, mistakes, inability to forgive ourselves and move on from our own shortcomings (if we are able to recognize them), being trapped in the false pretenses of societal and other expectations of ones worth and what constitutes identity; such as what you do for a living or what possessions you own; internalized standards, expectations and outright opinions of others ringing in your ears, being strapped in the trance of unworthiness brought about by our intrinsic instinctual need to belong and be loved yet inherent nagging self belief that if others knew us for the totality in which we know ourselves they would never see us as worthy of that love and belonging. Amongst so many other barriers to a more accurate self insight and objective awareness of the self, not as you perceive or believe yourself to be, but as you actually are.

In this world when it comes to our social relationships like attracts like. And at times like propels like.

We tend to unconsciously befriend those people whom share common ground and commonalities with ourselves. We attract people that are like us to ourselves. It has even been said that we are the sum total of our five closest friends. Because not only do we attract those whom are already possess similarities to ourselves, our likes and interests, our background and experiences, our cultures and faith base, sense of humor, perspectives, values, and belief systems, and the list goes on. But there is also a feedback loop of influence extending from you towards your circle and from your social circle unto you that evolves and deepens over time. If most of your friends are overweight you are statistically more likely to be overweight. If most of your friends are sports fanatics you are statistically likely to already be, or become, a sports-fanatic yourself. This being because like attracts like as well as that inherent desire to belong to the group we unconsciously alter our behaviors to fit better within the group. This feedback loop is one of the many reasons why it is important to choose your friends very carefully as well as to try not being the alpha in the group so that we rise to the level of those that we surround ourselves with rather than hold ourselves down or back to achieve this instinctual need to belong to your tribe.

Taking this into consideration if you are a little fuzzy on who you are, what you value, what you stand for, what you like, what you are about, how you come across in this life take a good look at the closest people to you.

More than likely: even if you do not see these characteristics or character attributes in yourself; if you take the time to truly examine what constitutes your inner circle and those people whom are attracted to being around you a mirror will be held up to you to examine yourself. It is often easier to see others more objectively than we can see ourselves. What are the attributes of those that surround you that are a reflection of that which you posses, value, or aspire for in yourself?

The contrary is also true that we unconsciously deflect and repel and project onto others those things which we wish to deny distance and dislike about ourselves. If you find a particular person or type of person unappealing or frustrating rather than focusing on your dislike ask yourself what you dislike about this person and what does that say about you?  It may serve to highlight something you highly value in yourself such as your independence and this person is highly dependent upon others, or your kindness and this person is highly critical and selfish. However the very traits and aspects that bother you about another person may in fact be a deflection and projection because it reminds you of a characteristic of yourself that you are not so pleased with and wish to distance yourself from and every time you see them they serve as a reminder of that which you dislike about yourself.

Birds of a feather flock together, already akin to one another, and then they influence each other and fly off into the same direction in formation.  So if you want a clear view of who you are and where you might be headed take a look at your closest people. Further still take a look at those attributes and individuals that ruffle your feathers and ask yourself why that is. Is that other bird, that other person truly different from you in a way that doesn't reconcile with your own value system hence giving you more clarity on your own value system, or in fact are they too a bird like you merely a place for you to project and deny that which you are but are in denial about and/or  a reflection too of the lesser desirable aspects of you that you wish to distance yourself from and they serve as a reminder?

There is even one other option for disliking another that can be telling of ones self. And that is admiration and feeling less than. Just as we do not like to be reminded of our negative traits reflected in another we also may feel insecure for reasons we can not pinpoint when we find ourselves around certain individuals. This may not mean that you dislike them, it may in fact to the contrary mean that you admire them or some attribute about them, that you feel you do not but would like to posses. And seeing this person, and that characteristic you admire but find lacking in yourself, in this other person causes you to feel less than and so you end up spinning that on its head into distancing and disliking the individual.

So if you are unsure what constitutes you and you would like to get a clearer perspective so that you know where you are starting from so that you may begin to cultivate more of what you want to be and less of what you don't in yourself take a good look at both the people you like the most and those you like the least asking not what it says about them but what do my sentiments say about me?