When embarking on a journey to find joy through building a life worth living seeking balance goals passions stability and exposure to positive and inspiring environments and information it is important to dedicate some time towards inward reflection and critical self observation.

Sometimes people are unhappy because they are unsure of who they are and or what they want. Even those who are certain can potentially be engulfed: and lose themselves in the practices aims and habits of others; or obligations of life, to the extent that they lose themselves and are unable to find an avenue that really sparks something inside of them.

All avenues are practices intended to inspire invigorate and shore up ones identity. We can change and modify our lives by modifying our personality. The ego the identity is a pliable thing. You can choose to be almost whoever and whatever you wish to be at any moment in your life by changing self definitions and behaviors. However be careful that when embarking on modifying yourself you are truly modifying and pursing the fullest capacity of your own joy and self expression as a human.  Or in the end you may feel a slave to the habits and routines of others as you already are to those things in your life currently that enslave you and prevent you from leading the life and being the person YOU wish to be and ARE and ARE CAPABLE of being beneath all the traps poor habits and mistaken beliefs that you have told yourself overtime about who you are and your own limitations.

We can get swallowed up in the feel good vibes of a new practice or skill that makes us feel good to the point it becomes a new obsession, a new have to, to the point we feel as obligated to do so as we did to do those things we are trying to rid our selves of and overcome. Veganism, yoga, spirituality, morning routines, evening routines, mindfulness, the list goes on and on. These are paths not an end into themselves. Use these tools to explore yourself and the capacities within you. Your strengths your desires to grow and gain insight. Modify and clarify the person you are in your core and aim to become not as a trap or an accessory to a false image you wish to project about yourself. Use the tools to become more of you not a caricature of aspects you believe make you appear worthy enough. You already are. You aren't destroying the identity to create a false you. You are tearing away the faulty beleifs and habbits that have restricted you from becoming who you are.

The great and powerful "they" say that loneliness has been proven to be as detrimental to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day! You can be alone and not be lonely. There are those among us who are lone wolves preferring to be unto themselves but they are few and far between. Humans are pack animals and we are biologically wired to require human bonding and human touch. The sense of loneliness can trigger depression, which can be lethal, but even the biological response to lack of human contact does physiological damage. There is some truth to what John Lennon wrote "All you need is love", quite literally it is a need, as food sunshine and oxygen lack of bonding creates oxidative damage to our cells.

This however doesn't mean you should go run right out and collect as many or any random people into your life as possible. Not every person is a good fit and worse still there are toxic people who literally cause damage to your overall welfare; practically, emotionally, your health, and even your sanity can be stripped from you by allowing the wrong people into close proximity to you. 

Be selective with whom you choose to allow into your life and at what level. Surround yourself with only quality people. Distance yourself from destructive and toxic relationships. It is important we have bonds with others but only the healthy ones help us. Don't be so reliant on escaping a sense of loneliness you hop from the pan into the fire of a toxic situation. You can't cure a problem by creating another.

Be patient trying to find people to connect with if you are in an isolated situation. It will be worth your wait. And it is also a measure of quality over quantity when it comes to close relationships. There is only so much time in a day and time in a life you can't make a deep bond spreading yourself thin among a multitude of others in an attempt to fill a void or seek popularity. Popularity seeking is a stage we should have outgrown after adolescence. A focus on a few meaningful close bonds is where our aim should  be as adults. It also takes time to grow close with others and you need to keep your circle small enough that you have the time and energy required to dedicate to building that relationship.

In the mean time if you find yourself feeling isolated recognize that the only one who can change this is you. You have to reach out to seek other people or be more vulnerable and open with those that already surround you taking risks to make acquaintances into friends. Remember there is hope the situation can change.
And fill yourself up in the mean time. Clarify who you are what you want in life while alone embrace the you time to grow. And fill the spaces with plants pets and social opportunities like joining a church or other organization in your community or volunteering your time. All of these things enrich your life while allowing you to put yourself out there in the world where you may indeed meet some quality people.

This post is primarily for the lonely ones. But you can be surrounded in others and still feel alone. If your friendships are not close enough that you can be yourself and make a real bond or the bonds you have are toxic and detrimental to you. These too can be improved if you let down your walls to the right ones draw closer and drop the toxic ones from you life.

Loneliness kills. But it doesn't have to kill you. If you take hold of the situation put yourself out there in the world and mind the caliber of the people you associate with and the willingness you have to let them in close.

They say were the sum of our 5 closest friends so choose carefully.

-Me-